/// colours

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

1.05 pm gayagok middle school faculty room

its only the 2nd week and im just tired. i dunno if i dont have enough sleep or trying to adjust with the country, the people, school, or just the culture..or maybe all of the above. i was actually doing okay when i woke up and then i got here.. the students are just unmotivated especially middle school kids. i wish i can pep talk to them but i cant even speak the language.. i talked to my co-teacher lori and she told me its because they have family problems. usually rural area the kids stay home with their relatives while their parents have to go work in big cities to earn more money. soo the problematic kids are usually acting out in class, tellling each other "shut up" "eff u's" .. and just laughing or talking to other students disturbing the class. i know the students doesnt like me and i dont really care because im really here to teach them and not to be friends with them. granted, i dont want anyone writing bad about me in the bathroom stalls. but its hard not to want to like them, theyre very sweet kids its just when youre in school you cant show them that youre weak or else you'll never get out of class alive. they just wont respect you at all, if you just fantastic all the time. i feel for those kids that are having problems, i really do. but if they disturb my class i wont let that be an excuse.

i can feel that there are times that they'll talk bad about me, just because i dont know korean, dosent mean im stupid. i hear stories from other teachers that they will be smiling at you , but at the same time theyll say "youre ugly" or something in the same context. i really am thankful taht i dont understand what theyre saying, because i dont really know what ill say or do if theyre telling me those stuff.

man, i sound tired.
thats probably coz iam.

i subscribe kerygma from bo sanchez: they have bible readings and reflection that goes with daily scriptures. its like a saving grace for me, since i dont really understand any of korean homilies here, so i read it befor i actually go to mass. and today's reflection is actually pretty good.

Put on love

We hear a lot of talk about love and what it means. Most of it is empty words that mean very little. We see all sorts of examples of so-called ‘love’ in movies and in racy novels and so on. Most of this is utter trash and a waste of time for anyone seeking to discover the meaning of true love. The best place to discover the meaning of love is in the Scriptures. Of course, a faithful and loving marriage as well as numerous other situations also depict the true nature of love.
When Paul writes to the Colossians, he tells them that the garment of love should cover everything they do in life. It is love that serves as the foundation of all virtues. It is also what keeps all virtues together. Love is a decision to be in relationship with another person and to be committed to that relationship whatever happens. If you are willing to walk away from a relationship because the other person has let you down, then it is doubtful that you have ever truly loved the person. Love will always seek a way to heal wounds and repair divisions.
Sinfulness, especially repeated sinfulness, can leave people with no other choice but to walk away. But this does not have to be the case. Relationships require the cooperation of two people. There is no such thing as a relationship between a person and his or her self. If one person refuses to be committed to his or her love of the other, then the relationship will fail. If both are committed to working through an issue, then God will provide the grace for this to be resolved. The dual commitment must be there and endure to the end.
Love is a decision that may or may not be built on feelings. We choose to love; it does not just happen to us. Unless our love is deeper than an emotional or physical attraction, it will not, nay, cannot, last. Fr. Steve Tynan, MGL

Reflection Question:

What is the basis of my words when I say I love another person? Can I recognize the truth that I can decide to love a person I have never met, indeed may never meet in person?

i think saying "i love you" is very imporant, i dont really say it just to anyone. and if i do theres so much meaning towards it. I say it to my family more now, i usually dont then. i guess when you realize something,i tend to act on it than just wait it out. i rather them hear me say "i love you" than none at all,because life is short ( i know it sounds cliche, but it is true). when my mom or my sisters was in the hospital, that was one of the few serious things that you tend to realize that life is fleeting and it could end any moment. now, ever since i moved here in korea, i end my phone calls with my parents with those 3 words. i feel good and better saying it, because they know. i know that if something do happened they know that i mean it.

with facing the opposite sex, He was the only person i told that i love him. and yes, i dont deny that i still do have feelings and love the guy. but i dont think were ever going to be together. he still with me. and i think itll take a long time for me to get over him. i dont wish him any harm or anything bad at all. i actually sincerely prayed that he will find happiness with his dream and find a girl that genuinely loves and cares for him. Iam sad about it, but im definitely changing. one of the things that i choose to move is because of him. i wanted to get away to the familiar settings around me. i didnt base all my decision of moving to korea because of him, i wanted an experience and i want to teach,to travel, and i know it is a challenge and i will take it. I dont really know if im suppose to meet a guy at this certain stage in my life, but i wont close any doors. i dont know if God wants me to get married or stay single, but whatever He decide i know its all for the best. i just know that i'm more aware about certain things next time. i dont regret anything from my past relationship. it was the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

over and out 9:05 PM

PROFILE

ME, MYSELF, AND I
heyaa!
mmmkae.im a bad mama jamma mayyn. em, sometimes.
yet, neurotic, dork, at times weirdo, and a wee-bit cynical chinky eyed chick..
but still one of a kind.
livin' life with all the ups and downs. but bada-ba-ba im lovin' it.

"all you need is that perfect song on that perfect drive to make you feel infinite."

Y
MY uber LOVE LIST:
GOD. my lovely familia. superduper friends. music makes you lose control. ART!!! museums. galleries. sketches. letters. kodak memories. pecan pie. peach cobbler with ice cream. FOOD, FOOD, FOOD. love teaching kids. phone fetish. hugs and kisses. share love, give love. sunsrise. sunsets. stars. travel. concerts. movies. beaches. et cetera et cetera et cetera. LET GO AND DONT EVER LOOK BACK.

credits

designer: kath leen
inspiration: kat rina for the blogger time codes & jas mine for the navigations
image: chipelgal
brushes: evyblack & yumei_k & ewanism & juvenilecasualty & missm & moargh & petticoatrow